The End

...of 2007
I loved watching my children grow and change this year. It's hard to summarize all that happened. For me, so much of the activity has been internal.
I've had a lot to think about.

For D' this has been the year of the guitar.
For M' this has been the year of hunting and football.
For me it has been the year of owning a business which requires me to work every afternoon from a sedentary desk position and travel a bit.
Plus, it was the year of the black belt.
Our house church has been a huge focus, and the central point of relationships this year. I am so thankful to God for that, and so incredibly grateful to the beautiful people who have committed to be a part of that.
Our family got a little bigger with the addition of Mika, my sweet niece.
My mother moved from her home of 25 years, and that was a major change. Her new home is quite lovely, even if it does have a TV in it.
We had an interesting twist with the reappearance of the father of my children. He reemerged after an absence of many years (like 5 or 6), and brought to town chaos including threats of eviction, and emotional dynamics like fireworks in my children. The good news is that he seems blissfully unaware of all that he excites.
God took care of us this year. He is Good. It was yet one more year of miracles in provision. I have worked from home and home educated my children. That is a continual miracle. I am so thankful for the life we have here.

What will 2008 bring? What do you hope for?

May you have a very fun celebration this evening. May the Rose Bowl go your way.
May the new year give you all your heart desires, and some things you can scarcely imagine.

"Now to Him Who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory...." Amen

My new favorite quote

.."If I could lend a machete to your intellectual thicket..."
I am going to say this often and with feeling.
It is, I think, really beautiful. And apt.
Can't you think of several instances, right off the top of your head, where this very phrase was called for? I need to practice it, though, in front of the mirror. Otherwise, I am likely to splutter and burst into giggles.
Oh, Jenn, can't we put in the the Lines For Life Club? Can it be our motto?
Do you know who says this delightful phrase? Oh, you must! It's Cap'n Jack Sparrow, from the third movie. I really love him, and I would so be torn, if I were Elizabeth Swan. Truly, I'd need some time to consider which of the fellows to spend my time with, Will or Jack. Sigh! Decisions, decisions!
If you are not reading this with an Anne of Green Gables tone, then you just need to go back to the top and begin anew. Raise the back of your hand to your brow on the "sigh," just so.
That's better.
We watched the 3rd Pirates on Skiing Day. The hill was shrouded in deepest fog, and we elected to sit instead. We did do a bit of sledding in the morning, but that was all the snow we really could take. A movie by the fire was ever so satisfying. I saw the movie twice at the theatre, it was good enough to pay full price for. Now, I just may watch it again tonight, because I want to memorize all of Jack Sparrow's lines.
Why are not all movies like that?

Tear into it Day

I am the first one up this morning. My kids are still sleeping. I got them to open stockings, but then they went back to bed. I wish I could!

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
I hope that you are blessed.
I hope that you are loved.
I hope you get the coolest presents, Ever!
Merry Christmas, friends.

Watching the clock

Tomorrow is Wrapping Day at my house.
Today was Baking Day.
Sunday is House Church Day, but that goes all year round.
Monday is the Deadline.
Tuesday is, of course, Tear Into It Day.
And Wednesday is Skiing Day.
Whew.
I went to WalMart tonight. I don't think I should have done that because now I have a knot in my right shoulder, just in back. The kind of knot that comes of too much chaos, and being all tight and tense. On the way home, I told the boys that it was late and I was about to turn into a pumpkin or a mean mommy. One or the other.
But now I have a glass of wine, and M' gave me a shoulder rub. So it's better.
You wouldn't think that many people would chose WalMart before Christmas. Why would we do that to ourselves?
I pity the fools who went to the mall tonight, and that's the truth. Can you just imagine trying to park? I want to do a survey there, and ask how many folks are using cash and how many are using credit. What do you think?
97% credit
2% cash
1% shoplifting
Now it is Time For the Mean Mommy to Retire and Recharge for Wrapping Day.
Goodnight.

The Fat Elf

Christmas shopping is just flat-out depressing. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, and I don't care who hears me say it.
I want to buy incredible gifts for people. I always do, as a matter of fact. The difference in December is that there is an expectation that I would actually do so. Not only that, but people that I love buy presents for me and my children. Good stuff, too. I hate to smile and say "thank you" when I have nothing to give in return.
Don't I sound ungrateful? Gosh, but I'm not. I am awed and amazed by the continual generosity of the people around me.
I want to be able to give, too. Am I whining?
One of the ways that I make myself feel better is to shop at the local department store on my credit card. It's a little like the counting of candy we did as kids...."one for them, and one for me." Because if I am going to spend money I don't have, I am going to get something for me, too!
Then I get buyer's remorse.
So I further anesthetize with ice cream.
Then I get eater's remorse.
Then I am fat and in debt.
It's ugly.
What can be done?
I could buy a lottery ticket. Or sell my children. Or workout.
Bah Humbug.

Love is a many splendored thing

We had an odd Hodge-podge of attendees at house church the other night. The strangest thing was the realization that the single people out-numbered the marrieds. We had 5 single adults, two married couples, and one woman attending without her husband. And a partridge in a pear tree.
It struck me as very sad, this realization. Isn't the divorce rate over 50% at this point? It's so wrong.
Most of the singles in the room are well adjusted complete sort of folk, who do not appear to be jonesing for a romance. They are pleasant people to be with. But here's the thing. God set up marriage to display a particular something to the world about Himself, and His love for His people.
Where is that display?
The main point seems to be that God's love for His people is rare, if it happens at all. It is entirely conditional upon reconciling differences. And those that pull it together seem to envy those of us who do not have to struggle through the burden of marriage. What is so great about celibacy? (I wryly refer to myself as a "nun," spelled n-o-n-e)
But that wasn't God's point in setting up the relationship. He was going for an entirely different picture. One of Servant leadership, unconditional love, unbroken bonds, and mutual submission. Where is that model?
My Grandparents spring to mind immediately.
I have, in my mind's eye, a memory of them that always brings a smile to my face. I think it's a lovely picture of Christ's love for His church.

Granny had been sick with a dreadful cold. She shuffled out to the kitchen, where Grandpa was minding the tea kettle.
Granny was in her robe and slippers, with her hair disheveled. She had her chin down on her chest as if watching her feet shuffle along. Without looking up, she made her way over to grandpa, and didn't stop until her head rested on his chest.
"Donald," she moaned, "I don't feel good."
Grandpa wrapped his arms about her and chuckled.
"I know, Ruthie. I know."
She was like a little girl in that moment, and she went straight to him for comfort. She didn't need to look up, because the path was so familiar, and his arms went around her right away. There was, in that moment, so much love, and so much understanding, and so much intimacy.
I think that must be what God had in mind.

11 Years Old

I have issued no small complaint here regarding the expense represented in my children's Christmas list. All this changed today.
Today is D's birthday. He received an alarming amount of money. More than I have, for sure.
His request? Toys-R-Us.
All of a sudden, his wish list changed from a stunning array of $200.00 price tags, to a motley assortment of $6.99's.
I have this some thought as I meditated over our Birthday Burger King Culinary Delights.
I simply have given my children an elevated taste. I mean, if we frequented Toy stores, rather than making one annual pilgrimage during the holidays, they would develop a taste for cheap toys. Right?
I have, instead, surrounded them with musical instruments and books and a taste for the finer things. (Read: I am raising snobs). They even have good taste in food, Burger King notwithstanding. They like name brands on their clothes, and they have a finely tuned definition of the word "cool." Did they learn that from me? Am I really that bad?
I'm off to bake cupcakes.

Stealing from Cathy

Cathy made a single comment on her blog that got me thinking. She mentioned being a "recovering church addict."
That makes sense to me.
It seems to me that Church, as I know it, is more tradition and legalism than really being what God intended.
My theology is about as conservative as you can get. I believe in a literal 6 day creation. I cover my head to worship (except for last Sunday, when I raced to church from the airport. One should obey from the heart and not legalistically, right?) I homeschool, and am a stay-at-home mom because of what the Bible teaches me.

But the whole "church" thing?
God's Word is pretty clear that we are to meet together. We do so to worship, and to pray, and to learn from Scripture as a group. We are to use our particular giftings to build one another up. We need to serve, and we need to function as a unified group. We need to submit to one another. We are to remember the Lord's Death and Resurrection until He comes again. We're supposed to eat together and get into each other's business so that we can meet needs, offer accountability, and bear oneanother's burdens.

So, I grew up in church. I loved my church. I was super involved. I taught Bible studies, and Sunday school. I taught at AWANA, and directed drama. I helped to organize VBS, and went to leadership meetings. I was Very Important in my own eyes. It was fun.

(God uses all those things, and they are often really effective things. I may do them again one day. Don't get me wrong! I am talking specifically about my personal journey from addiction to the trappings of religion, to a more authentic and less defined thing. A better thing.)

Boy did I feel guilty if I missed church. It was like attendance was a measure of how spiritual I was. And my list of accomplishments was like a resume I could present to onlookers as proof of how great a Christian I was.
I was missing some key components to actual Faith.
There's this whole Love thing that I was lacking. I was so consumed by my own greatness that I had little room for God's. And though I was sure trying to serve God and love His people, there was a whole bunch in the way of my personal relationship with the God of Creation.
And the personal relationship is the point.
Jenine says that friendships are messy, and I agree with her. Even a relationship with Jesus is going to be messy, because it's hard work. Plus, Christians are a bunch of broken, messed up people. It's way harder to really get into someones life (or allow them into mine) than it is to teach AWANA. And that's sayin' something!
Once God started to pry my fingers from the religious things I was really putting my faith in, then He got me to start looking at Him.
Church is now this thing we do rather than a place we go. We meet for hours in real homes, and the kids beg to go there. I really don't ever miss because I want to be there so bad, there's no guilt involved. I love these people. I want to be a part of what God is doing in their lives, and I really love them, warts and all. They even know that I am a screw up, and they don't seem to mind so much. It's a little easier to see God's hand in someone's life when they are talking about it over Soubanh's cooking.
And you know what? Sometimes I go to regular church. It's an event, and it's fun. We sing and get some teaching, plus we dress up a little. But it's not church to me anymore. And it's not a requirement for me to feel righteous and religious.
I liked the way I felt about myself back then. Now I don't have an exterior measure of my success. Mostly, I am more of a goof spiritually than I was aware of before. I think this is because my stupidity reflects off of the people who are closest to me. I can't fake it. So, I am not saying that I am better now than I was. I am just saying that some things have changed, and those things are better.
My name's Kelly, and I am a recovering addict.

A Blue Streak

I am struck by the contrast between those I know who are reveling in God's blessings this season, and those who don't know where God could be as their hearts break.
Here is the question of the ages.
How can One God crush and prosper with equal Love?
How can I call it a blessing when God floods my heart with joy, while He allows the bottom to fall out of my friend's life? How can I rejoice when my own life shatters to bits?
Oh, but He is Good!
He is.
This world that we live in is cascading into despair. Those around us embrace the whirlwind of their own consequences.
The real miracle is that God sustains any of us at all.
The wonder is that God upholds us, while all around us swirls into selfishness and sin.
The amazing this is that God sweeps our horrific disasters into beauty that is useful and inspiring.
My world may be demolished by someone else's wicked choices...more likely I will suffer from my own. Circumstances may befall me that suck the wind from my sails. Yet, God is Good.

It won't always be like this, you know.
One day there will be no more dying, or crying, or pain. No more financial worries, no more divorce, no more hunger, no more fear, no more unwanted children. All that is worst in the world as we know it will fade from view. And all that is best in this world will surprise us by it's smallness in view of eternity.

I'm pensive today. A little blue. So many people have real problems, and mine seem so trivial.

Consulting Santa

I've been home for days and I still haven't quite unpacked.
Neither have I done my Christmas shopping. Ugh!
The kids are of an age this year where they want very specific, expensive things. D' wants an acoustic guitar, black. M' wants an electric bass, four strings, not 5, and silver.
I want to buy them clothes or ski related stuff.
I can afford a hot wheel for each.
M' wants to bleach his hair platinum and get some aviator sunglasses. D' wants to be a rock star, and a master of "Guitar Hero" the video game.
Strange beings, these boys. I don't really know what to get them!

You know how girls love each other? They talk and make eye contact and share secrets.
Boys? Not so much.
They love each other by punching and wrestling and calling each other insulting names. It's hard to know just when to step in and dicipline their behavior.

I don't even know what to put in their stockings this year. Small toys just are not likely to be appreciated. They are growing beyond that. Well, not D' so much. He still likes some toys.
If I could put facial hair in M's stocking, and a razor to go with it, that would make him happy. Or maybe I could get him a talking mirror that says "you're so hot." Because he's still convinced that he is.
I have got to get started on a bit of shopping for them....

Peace on Earth, and hearts in pieces

Besides sushie, I ate lamb, wild boar's belly, rich French food, and a pretty good chicken casserole.
And now I am home again.
Someone should go to the grocery store.

It is time, I guess, to decend into the madness that is the Christmas rush. Here I sit, all fat and happy. God has been Good to us. My biggest worry seems to revolve around what to buy for my beautiful children.
So many of the people I know are suffering just now.
Really big suffering.
I have a friend who must, by law, allow her precious daughter to visit with a man who is a monster. She can pray and cry, but she can not protect her little girl.
There is a woman I know who must re-enter the workforce for the first time in many years. She must leave her kids, and it rips her heart out.
Two families had washing machines break down. That's more than a hastle when you have 7 kids.
There are several people I know who will be alone for the holidays, again. The kind of alone that wears a person down after five, six, or 30 years.
Work is scarce for several families. Money is tight this year, and work is hard to get.
It's everywhere, this suffering. It ranges from annoyance to panic. And It feels heavy on my heart.
Here we are, so blessed.
And I wish that "peace on earth" was a gift I could wrap up for these individuals and families. Not the peace that is the absense of war, but the peace that is a balm for hurts no tears can ease.

Wherever you are, and whatever you are looking ahead to for this Christmas, I pray that you will know the love of people around you; The passion of a God Who bought you for Hmself; And the certainty that you can help to ease the load of those around you. Find someone nearby who needs what you have to give, and set about to make a difference.

I work for a small boutique firm...remember?

Hi, this, here, is a quickie post.
I am on a business trip in Seattle.
Very pretty here.
I can't see evidence of flooding, though dramatic storms have recently occurred.

I ate a fabulous meal of sushie and white wine for lunch today. That's the beauty of an expense account, huh? Not getting much in the way of actual work done, but who's keeping track? Sushie makes me good and happy. My companion at lunch commented on the relish with which I consume remarkable food. He said, (and Patsy will appreciate this), that my sound effects are particularly amusing. I gotta remember to be less expressive about my intense delight....
The next few days I will post when I can. Mostly I will be hard at work earning my fortune and fame. And also eating on the business credit card.
Carpe Workum...

Logos in the Manger

My pen, or my keyboard, can be used to display my very thoughts, by giving representation of those concepts in my head, so you may ponder them in yours.

So, with the incarnation.
"The Word became flesh and dwelt among us."

Whose Mind conceived this Word?
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God."

As my words begin with me, in me, they are from deep in my heart and mind: Ergo, they are me.
Almost.
They are a piece of me.
That God's Word is Him shows His Power and Creativity. He took a Word, gave it flesh, and it was Him.

What does this word?
Create.
Instruct.
Reveal.
Animate.
Bestows Sonship.

My words bring humor or hurt with equal ease. They are tossed about like powerless things. They can even deceive or distort, if that is within my heart. In this way they differ markedly from God's Words.
For Shame!
God's Word, the very representation of His Thought- His Mind!- Inhaled the breath of life and walked among us.
And this Word can not lie.
We have this Word in print and in Flesh. We can glimpse the concepts within the mind of God. We can know something of His thoughts and mind and heart.

You read my words here, and even if you do not know me in person, you develop a relationship with me by this ongoing use of words.
So with the incarnation!
Know God.
Know Him well.
Develop such a love for His words that you long to meet Him in person.
This is my Goal.

Blah-blah-blah

I have been neglecting you, but I swear you've been much on my mind. Every time I sit down to write, I just sort of stare at the blank screen, until I drift into the void that has been my inspiration. Nothing to write about.
The weather is unseasonably warm. It's too warm to be winter, and too ugly to be anything else.
I have so much to do, that I am holding my breath in a state of denial. It's not important stuff, just stuff.
Seattle, the land of the Recent Storms , will have a visit from me in a couple days. (Kris, any chane you'll be there?) I am off for a business trip. I have a briefcase, and my nails are done. Traveling on someone else's dime is a blast. Expense account = nice meals and fine wine. That part is really fun. I hate leaving my kids, though.
That's all I have to tell you at the moment. I shall try to spice up my life a bit, then I'll check in and tell you something worth hearing. Deal?