Aortic Aneurysm

My own health is annoying me. I'm perfectly healthy and vibrant. I'm energetic and happy, with a hearty appetite.
Except for the one thing.

I have a condition that no one can see, for Pete's sake, how is that any fun?
When I was first diagnosed, back in June, with an aortic aneurysm, I was compliant as can be with all the doctor's restrictions. Mostly, I ate raw almonds and raisins because of the no-salt content. It was a bit panicked, to be sure, but I was convinced that a time-bomb was ticking away within me. In the past few months,I have gradually meandered clean off the wagon.

It's not like I'm salting food, or running a marathon. In truth, I would probably be better off by running and lifting some weights in defiance of my doctor. As it is, I don't enjoy the wimpy excuse for exercise that I am now allowed....so I don't do any at all. My hips are growing wide, and my heart is growing week. This can't be what the doctor ordered! It's becoming increasingly apparent that I need to embrace the slower pace, and actually get moving.

Food is really not bad without salt. There are lovely salt substitutes. The trouble comes in that anything remotely processed includes enough sodium to spike any one's blood pressure. I must avoid anything that comes in a can or in a box. And anything pre-seasoned. Or served at a restaurant. See? Raw almonds and raisins are an easy answer. Not only is salt the very devil, but cholesterol is bad, too. This is found in anything that tastes good. Butter, cheese, meat, eggs...don't even mention desserts.

In a moment of self-pity, just the other day, I was surfing the web on the topic of this medical condition. Now, I really think that the Internet is a fascinating place to research medical issues. Terrifying, perhaps, but fascinating. In my cyber-wanderings, I happened upon a chat-board-thing. What do you call them? It's where people all post their story on a particular topic, and commiserate in their misery. It was wonderful.

The first fellow talked about how he used to be a cyclist, who loved to push the limits of his physical strength, before he was diagnosed. He was so frustrated with all the limitations placed upon him...I had found a kindred spirit! I spent about an hour reading through all these postings by people with varying levels of information regarding their own condition. Some had no idea what an aneurysm was. Some had tons of research and experience to boast of. Most of them talked about the sense of carrying an invisible threat with them always.

I was delighted to hear the thoughts and experiences of other real people who deal with this phantom. But, it isn't a phantom, is it? It's rather a Thorn in the Flesh. At some point, here, I need to learn the art of folding it into my life, without obsessing over it. It isn't going to go away.

Although aortic aneurysm is in the Top 15 Leading Causes of Death in the US, one can't help but note that the mortality rate over-all is somewhat higher (hovering near 100%). With this in mind, it seems sensible to take precautions, without worrying over-much. An occasional jog, or a special occasion dessert, would likely be worth any risk. There is, after all, some consideration for quality of life.

With this in mind, I shall leap from my netbook to my treadmill. While I shall restrain myself from running, I may just jog. And if I perish, at least I'll die happy.

True Beauty

We have a dear friend who has cancer. His symptoms have progressed beyond such medical advancements as Chemo, and he is steeling himself for his Last Stand in this battle. He is quite beautiful, in the way of one who knows suffering.
We had occasion to see him for a few moments the other day. Just a few minutes in his presence has the power to alter perspective, and rearrange one's priorities. It was, by far, the most powerful few moments of my Christmas Experience.
His wife is one of my dearest friends in the world.
She stands by her husband's side with a fragile desperation, tightly wrapped with determination and grace. What else can she do, after all? She's being changed by this process as much as he is.
Such an experience is, as my mother always says, "too painful to waste." There is so much to learn about what really matters.
My thinking is very often upside-down.
Take, for instance, those 10 pounds I'd like to lose. Too much meat on my bones means that I eat well. I'm a healthy momma. There is no cancer impeding my digestive system.
I have too much on my plate in other ways, too. I am busy. Yet, the very fact that I can get all wrapped up in tasks, means that I do not have an all consuming tragety that forces me to be still.
I'm thankful for what I have. Thankful for my life, my family, and my health.
I am thankful, too, for the truth offered by harsh circumstance.
Cancer is only one possibility. There are so many other ways that you and I are forced to our knees. That's the point, too. When we are forced to our knees, our whole world has a chance to align with our Creator, and those He has given us to love.
To quote my ever-quotable mother, again, "Suffering can make you bitter, or it can make you beautiful."
My dear friends are beautiful despite.....no...because of the Cancer. May you and I be as blessed.

Birthday Week, the briefest of updates

Four of the six people who live in this house have birthdays this week.
Tim and Faline share today as their birthday. She's 14, he's Not.
Friday Don will be 15.
Saturday Aaron will be 10.
So, I have that to look forward to.
It's bound to be a busy week. Besides the shopping and the eating-of-cake, I have to paint Aaron's room, go to Christmas programs at school, and help the teens get ready for semester Finals. My house is guaranteed to be a disaster zone by Friday.

A sort of god-complex

Tim got home from work a little early, yesterday. He asked me what I'd done all day. This question is baffling. I had no idea, on first reflection, what I did yesterday. The time had passed with a stunningly low level of apparent productivity, yet I had been occupied in constant activity.

In thinking it through, I decided that my mundane tasks were more important than I'd realized. During the day, while Tim is at work, I go about Making Things. This is how I fill my time.

Yesterday, for instance, I made breakfast, lunch and dinner. I made a mess. I made my bed. I made myself presentable. I made my children do their chores and schoolwork. I made my husband happy, I made my children grumpy, I made some phone calls. I made a trip up to my son's elementry school, where I made copies for the teacher, and I made arts-and-crafts for the students. I made time for each of my children. I made time to read and pray. After dinner, I made my son do dishes. I made the kids go to bed. And, finally, I made some peaceful time for Tim and I.

I am a creator.

In the wise words of my Granny Ruth, "A man may work from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done."

Oh. I have a blog?

In anticipation of a Kindle for Christmas, I've downloaded a kindle reader app on my little netbook. This allows me to read a vast array of free books, right on my computer screen. For some reason, I find this facinating. I realize that the not-free books could really get me in trouble. You can purchase a book with a click of the mouse, and never see the exchange of money. This is brilliant on Amazon's part. It's bound to be expensive on my part.

My daughter and I have both put a kindle at the top of our wish-list for Christmas. We are both avid readers. She's totally easy to shop for. Books, clothes, and beauty products. The girl after my own heart!

The boys are each very different in terms of what they want. Michael begged and pleaded for a hunting rifle, back in the Fall. He swore it could be his Christmas present, and he'd never ask for anything else. So, he got his big gift months ago, and I think he's starting to realize that Christmas morning is going to be a bit of a drag. Poor kid. Aaron is still exuberantly wishing for toys from Santa, though I suspect he's figured out that Santa may not be entirely real. (I never told my kids that Santa was real, because I thought lying to my own children was just morally reprehensible. Aaron, however, has grown up with a stubborn faith.) Don wants clothes and music, and apparently is hopping-against-hope for a longboard.

All the Christmas prep has kept me pretty busy. We're really about done with our shopping, though. I need to focus on stockings.

Christmas morning falls on a Sunday, which in this family means Church. The kids are not enthusiastic about having to go to the House Of Jesus...on His Birthday. They seem to think that acknowledging the focus of our celebration is a hinderance. Actually, they seem to think that the focus of our celebration is them and their gifts.

I've been working on The Christmas Letter. For some reason, things change so quickly around here that I am struggling to keep the letter current. I've got to do a final edit, and get that sent out.

Next weekend is our company Christmas Party. I'm very excited about that. Now that Tim has a job, we get to add this annual social event to our calendar. I'll need to lose the customary ten pounds, and get a new dress.

A new week yawns before me, and I've got a gazillion things to do. With all that goes on in the simple running of the household, I neither blog, nor read email. I'm really behind in that department. There are probably 75 emails that I haven't looked at, and I am certain to be earning a reputation as a total flake. However, feeding 4 children and a husband is consuming the bulk of my time. That, and parenting the children. Who will chase them around and force them to do their chores, if I'm staring at a computer screen? You see my quandry.

19 shopping days left 'til Christmas.
1 hour 'til breakfast
5 hours 'til lunch
10 hours 'til dinner
The race is on.
Happy Monday, Friends.