relationships

I had a terrible time trying to sleep last night. In fact, I woke at about 3 and couldn't go back to sleep. I tossed and turned and prayed, then played with my cell phone in the dark, and finally turned on the light and read for a while. I finally turned the lights off again about 5:30. D' woke me up at 6 with a bad dream and a bloody nose. I fell back to sleep. Shannon called at 8:30 to see about borrowing my skis. I gave up and went for the coffee.
But I was thinking, you see, as one does in the night. I was thinking about how flawed people are. Mostly I was thinking how I want to be Holy. No one ever describes me that way, because, well, I really don't act like it. We, all of us, have so much working against us. We have our pet sins, of course. But we also have those idiosyncrasies that make us unique. And our colorful experiences that contribute to fears or coping mechanisms.
Christian people fight against the stuff within, but it is still there. Others just sort of embrace it. I was thinking about how very much Jesus loves us as individual people, with all our foibles and oddities. He places such an importance upon the relationships that we have with one another. He even describes Himself to the world in terms of relationship. Marriage is a picture of His love for the church. There's the sheep/Shepherd picture, the Father/child analogy, the bride/Groom description.
Stuff like that gets really personal and messy.
My relationships are personal and messy. People are unpredictable, and they rarely do what I want. I may love someone with all my heart, but there's no guarantee that I will be loved the same way in return.
You and I have so much emotion to invest, and so much time and energy, because that's what it takes. Relationships are tough. It's constant work to keep the little resentments from taking root. It's so painful to love others the way that they need to be loved. But it's worth it!
And that is the point, is it not? God wants that kind of energy and emotion and time directed His way from you and me. When I share my heart with a girlfriend, or hang on a Lover's every word, it's a great big display of what God wants from me. When I set aside time to just be with Him, or run to read His letter to me, or confess how I know I've brought Him pain, Don't you suppose that brings Him Joy? It brings me joy when I do that!
I know lots of Christians who quip, "It's not a religion, it's a relationship!" But I know very few who abide with the Creator of All things as a personal and intimate friend. We become like those we spend time with, don't we? I wanna be like Jesus.