The God Man, Jesus

It's been a crazy week of catch-up for me. I have normal work stuff to do, plus all the extras. Unpacking. Yard work. Returning emails and phone calls.
There's a bunch going on inside of me too. I am thinking and maybe learning a little.
The other day as I was driving along, I had this deep epiphany that was clearly a God thing. I was driving by a field that is usually bursting with crops this time of year. Instead, it has tidy rows of up-turned soil mixed with straw. There was in my mind a thought complete, and I understood something. "That is you" was the thought in my head, and in a moment I knew that God is giving me a period of seeming rest. I am not in ministry for the first time in many years, and I feel a bit antsy about it. But in this moment I realized that God is using this time to churn up some of the dirt that lies below the surface of my life and to expose it to the light. The resting part has been obvious, but the purpose hadn't really been more profound to me than peace and tranquility. However, there is so much productivity in this stillness.
And this morning, as I struggled to pray, (by "struggle" I mean that I am working to see how I actually talk with God. Evaluating that relationship, as it were) It occurred to me that Jesus is largely an idol to me. An object, to whom I offer rites of religion. I read his requirements for me, I recite my lists, Sometimes I am even transported into a spiritual euphoria through singing before my idol. This is my god, it is my mistake to see it rather than Him.
How difficult it is to worship a Person! How little I know the Man! I know of Him, of course, but I hardly know Him. Yet, my entire existence is aimed at Him! Jesus the Man. The Person. The God.
Do you see why this must change the way I pray? I want to understand what grieves Him, and to feel the weight of that. I want to listen to His Voice, and enjoy the Sound. I want to tell Him of my true concerns, not like reciting a list. I would talk to Someone who would listen closely to my words, and Who could do something about all my heart.
What concerns Him? What is He up to today? What is He wanting to talk about? These simple elements of intimate conversation are simply absent from my prayers to Him. Yet, no friend on earth would put up with such a relationship as I have offered Him.
There is so much more to learn.