The main portion of my anticipated Black Belt Test has been postponed yet again. Tomorrow morning is the bulk of it. Tonight, however, is the fight.
This is not the kind of fight where I fight back, displaying my glorious Laura Croft fight skills. You know what I mean: long hair braided becomingly, makeup just so, catsuit accentuating my figure to best advantage. No, sir.
This is a lot more like a test of endurance mixed up with a hearty dose of humility.
This is where I try to keep myself from physical injury for 30 minutes of stunning exhaustion.
I begin with a series of one on one fights, a new opponent every two minutes. Then we switch to two on one fights, with me being the one part. Fresh opponents every two minutes. Then it gets brutal, 3 on 1, then 4 on 1, just to make sure I get the enthusiasm thoroughly kicked out of me. Now, I can run for 30 minutes just fine. Ok, I complain as I do it, but that's only because I am regulating my pace by talking as I run, to ensure that I don't over-do it.
Fighting for 30 minutes is more like sprinting uphill for 30 minutes with a ten pound weight held in each hand. And both hands held over one's head. It's like that, only it hurts more.
The good news is that really serious injuries are rare. The last time the ambulance came, it was only a broken collarbone. Who really uses their collarbone, anyway?
But it's undignified, this sort of fight. I will sweat and cry, and struggle to breathe, and try hard not to vomit from overexertion. It's rather like giving birth.
So, Kara thought it would be fun to invite all the folks that I know in the whole world to this event. I think she may be selling popcorn. Whoo- Hoo! Let's watch Kelly suffer!
I will have on no makeup, my hair will be a mess, I'll be red faced and sweaty...there is no question of accessories at a time like this! Honestly! Would you invite all your friends to watch you give birth?
oh, wait...I did do that.
But this is worse!
These people who claim to love me are coming to be entertained by my pain and humiliation. They're like the Romans calling for more lions.
"Et tu, Brute?"
At least they'll be there to drive me to the hospital.
But don't worry, I'm sure I'll be fine.
9 comments:
Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah! Buck up girl! You are almost a black belt for heavens sake! Quit whining and let's see some courage!
How was that? Was that good? Do you think I could be your trainer? Cause that would be so cool! :)
Can't wait for tonight! I will so be there to drive you to the hospital, or give you wine, or whatever you may need. Mostly I plan on leading the cheering section!
Seriously. I am so proud of you. While martial arts is SO not my thing, I admire you a TON for pursuing this the way you have. And sheesh - a black belt? That makes you so frigging cool.
You could defend yourself - whereas I would just wet my pants if anyone came along threatening to hurt me. So you're way more prepared than I am. And the self-discipline - amazing... I'm just a slug.
You're going to be awesome.
Love you!
Will there be pictures?????
Cathy - you were a cheer leader and I saw what Buffy could do!!!!!
Kara, you are a meanie. How could you even suggest wine at a time like this? Something much sronger may be in order.
Hi Cathy! If I survive, I'l be a black belt. If I die, I'll just be a dead brown belt, and who ever wanted to be that?
Kris, not only Cathy was a cheerleader, so was Kara. We could have a whole squad of vampire slayers. "Vampire slayers and the Black Belt" do you think that would make a hit TV series?
I would love to come and see you kick butt tonight except that the girls have guitar lessons, bummer.
I have no doubt in your abilities and I know you can do it! Just pretend that every opponent is Jerry, although if you do that then there will really be a long line of ambulances at the martial arts studio;-)
(oops, did I just type that outloud?)
break a leg,
~paj
Thank you for your wish that I break a leg!
Thank you for cheering me on. I am terrified and excited.
You have fun at guitar lessons. Those girls are such beauties!
Video evidence via YouTube would make true believers of us!
Don't you break cinder blocks with your head or something?
Seriously, best of luck. No, we don't have luck, we have our God.
Go with God!
Kelly Lee,
I wish you luck on your test! Fighting for so long is only sexy in movies. In real life everyone gets sweaty and red-faced, so worry not. I'm sure you'll impress anyone who comes to watch with your ability to fight off two or more opponents.
Congratulations on making it this far!
I HAVE THE RESULTS--
Kelly did awesome, her last fight was her kids, not sure that was one of my best ideas. She walked out with a smile on her face, hair perfectly tousled, and lip stick still noticeable.
CONGRATS Kelly, I am proud of you. Now to grade the test :)
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