Love Thy Figure

I watched the movie The Devil Wears Prada this past weekend.
I learned that I would never make it in the fashion industry, which was really not a surprise.
To make it in the fashion industry, one must always wear carefully applied makeup, expensive shoes, and a size 4.
How am I doin'? I've been seen in pubic un-showered wearing my pajamas and snow boots, with no makeup at all. Frequently. And the 4? Whatever.
One of the fashionable girls in the movie was on a quest to lose weight, and she announced her strategy. She was eating nothing at all, which seems like it would work. When she felt faint, she would eat a cube of cheese. This got me thinking; If I would eat nothing at all, I would have all kinds of money to spend on cool clothes. Either that, or I could finally afford to feed the two eating machines who live here.
Oh, wait, there are three eating machines here.
Once, long ago, I decided that I was going to take weight loss seriously. I decided to learn from the pros. Rather than consulting the fashion industry, which may have actually been more helpful, I looked to the real masters of the game: Anorexics.
Have I told you this story?
This was in the days before Internet was the key to research, or at least before I knew how to use it. I went to my local library (or, as we say in Boise "LIBRARY!" We do, we say it just like that. The sign on the building actually includes an exclamation point. Would I kid about that?) Anyway, I checked out a stack of books on Anorexia Nervosa. My thinking was that if I could study their tactics and mindset, I could finally have the tools to succeed at a challenge which usually sparks fear and trepidation in the hearts of mature adults. After days of reading, and careful consideration, I came to the outstanding conclusion that I do not have what it takes to be anorexic.
At the time, I think I was closer to attaining my twisted goal that I realized. I was totally a size 4 at the time, from the caloric exertion of nursing two babies. (Pause to consider the dimensions of that figure.) And my goal was a size 2. The truth was, that I could fit into some 2s already, I just wanted to be a consistent 2.
I am better now.
That suggestion about waiting 'til one feels faint, and then eating a chunk of cheese? Isn't that called "Adkins"? And, seriously, I'd have to go a month and a half before I'd feel faint. My body is saving up for a famine.
Here's to New Year's Resolutions.