My side of the story

Yesterday, when I wrote to you about stillness, was the calm before a bit of a personal storm. Isn't that how it goes?

M' was due home from his days of bear hunting last night. The itinerary said that his group was leaving camp at noon, and would return home between 8 and 9 pm. I sat in the living room with my book and a blanket awaiting his triumphant return. He did not arrive by 9. He did not arrive by 11. By midnight, I was nervous.
Obviously, they must be running late.
Perhaps they got a bear at the last minute and were delayed with that. I shouldn't over-react, after all, he was in good hands. Besides, they had no cell phone coverage in the woods.
By 1:30, I was in tears.

Once, when I was 5, I had to walk home to the house of a babysitter. I lost my way, and sat on the curb in bewildered tears. I knew I couldn't walk back to the school, but didn't know which was the way to the house. I was afraid of getting in trouble, and I was so scared of being lost.
This is exactly how I felt by 1:30 am last night.

There's few things worse than an hysterical, over-protective mother, especially to a teenage young man. We mustn't overreact.
I kept telling myself that he must be fine, and I should relax and go to bed. Or perhaps I got his arrival day wrong.
At 2, I called non-emergency police dispatch, just to see if there had been an accident. "Nope, lady, I'm sure he'll be home soon." I called the sheriff's department up in Northern Idaho. No reports. I called the hunting lodge, and got an answering service.
He must have been in a car wreck. Or had a remote hunting accident. FIVE HOURS late!But there was nothing I could do until morning. I tell you truly that I have rarely felt so utterly alone and so completely helpless.
I crawled into bed at 2:30, and cried until I couldn't breathe. My very eyelids felt as if they were in danger of turning inside-out.
Perhaps I dozed.
The phone jolted me back to the unpleasant reality at 3:30. M' was calling, he was 2 hours away. They just got cell service. Why was I worried? Apparently, that was somewhat amusing. We lost the cell, and dropped the call.
The adult in charge called a few minutes later. "We decided to hunt more tonight, had no cell service, we'll have him home soon, and hour and a half, maybe 2."
Anger took me. How irresponsible! All the land lines for 500 miles were out of order? What?
At some point I dozed again, because he woke me when he traipsed in at 5:30. "Are you ok, mom? I told him we needed to call you." He told me his adventures for an hour. Then I sent him to bed.

Daycare kids arrived at 6:30. I gave them pillows and blankets and the couches in the living room. "Wake me by 8:30, if I am not awake by then."
I got two good hours of sleep.
My boy is home.
He got no bear, but a promise to go again in the Fall. I can hardly wait.