I was awakened too early by what sounded like a hurricane outside my window. Once I realized that the house was not being broken into, I began to imagine all the Greek gods throwing lightening bolts at one another from my rooftop. This was most inconvenient as I was needing a little beauty sleep. What I'm needing is a Lot of beauty rest.
Being the rather simplistic person that I am, I find that deep within myself is the belief that one should sleep when it is dark. During the summer months, this means that I begin to wind down around 10:30, and actually sleep at midnight. Of course winter nights in Idaho are long, so I am ready for bed by 6 pm. I sleep a much needed 12 hours a day in the winter, and half that in the summer. I'm tired.
That beauty I was mentioning before becomes so elusive without sleep. But it's rather a fickle attribute on any day. I find that in my striving to appear attractive, I either wear too much make-up or none at all. My aim is off. We girls may be lovelier if we spend an hour in prayer, rather than an hour before the mirror.
So much in me is like this.
I desire to be seen as intelligent, but the most asinine words escape my lips. I desire to be effective, but my energy is too unfocused. I want to bless others, then behave as one self-consumed. It's a whole Romans 7 thing, "I do that which I do not want to do."
It's very irritating.
Perhaps the problem is that my expectations are wrong. I think I am beautiful or intelligent, and am floored when I pass a mirror or open my mouth. Or I feel myself to be witty and winsome with the men, so am shocked when I see myself bashful and awkward.
Personally, I think I need to go with that hour of prayer principle. If I would just gear myself up to do what God has for me, I'd be a lot less worried about making a smashing impression on anyone else.
It's back to that, then, isn't it? Who am I trying to be beautiful or intelligent for? What purpose do such attributes serve? Without the Lord, it's just a golden ring in a pig's snout, Ugliness Accessorized.
Although, a nap couldn't hurt.
3 comments:
I think outside of cancer patients, I have only met one female whom had a valid use for cosmetics... Simplicity is always the most elegant.
As for the ring in the pig snout - quite a few of those observed around Seattle, literally. Got to wonder about some people.
Make-up can be a great help, Kjp. Some of us women really benefit from the wonders of such paint. It can also be rather overpowering. Much like too much perfume.
I just want to get to where I don't rely upon it to feel lovely. Becuase, those who know me aren't fooled....
just letting you know I was here. I miss you...when is our next movie night? I'm ready for wine, food, a good movie, and grown up quiet time.
i'm off to baseball. talk to you soon.
k
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