We ate fish, and drank white wine. We watched the new 007. Dates are fun. I like dating Tim. You'll have to take my word for it, though, as I don't think I am up to sharing.
Mostly, the weekend has gone by way too fast, and I am not really ready to face the week ahead.
I've been applying for various jobs that would allow me an income outside of my home. It feels to me like a betayal of all that God has provided to me for all these years. I am as yet unsre whether I think I am betraying Him, or He is betraying me. That doesn't sound like a deeply faithful thing to say, but there it is.
There's more going on here than the difficult economy. God is using a celetial two-by-four to teach me a bit about vulnerability.
Vulnerability sucks.
God is teaching me that I am often self-sufficient, when I tell myself I'm depending on God.
That I am Proud as Satan, and I need to own up to my weeknesses and needs.
That I would rather appear to have my act together, when I'm really falling to pieces. I believe that's called hypocracy.
It's the Goodness of God, though. He knows what it takes to make me into what He wants me to be. He wants me to be humble and useful. He seems to really dig vulnerability. It's only as I embrace what is real about my circumstances that others can see what God is actually doing. If I pretend to be a barbie-doll Christian, then no one is going to benifit from God's work in me. Ugh.
There is no denying that my income is insufficient to pay the bills, and the usual work is not enough. So, I'm applying for jobs. And exploring all this junk that God is asking me to confront about my blasted self-sufficient pride. Don't you wish you were me?
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