Doctor, Doctor

I've been sick, seemingly since time began, but actually since Wednesday. By "sick" I mean that I have a cold. Thankfully the stomach flu did not wreck havoc on our entire household. This cold, though, seems to be a Man Cold. You've heard of Man Colds? One of the symptoms is a runny nose which renders the hapless victim unable to function, and causes severe complaining. Truly, this particular ailment is know for its gender specific infection, but I have a theory on why that may have changed. It seems to me that the recent concept of gender fluidity may have caused some confusion in the viral world. It may be that the Viruses can no longer discern gender accurately, thereby attacking me with a Man Cold. Whatever the reason, I have been woe-begotten for days.

Naturally, I figured that this would be a splendid time to launch into the Keto Diet. You see, the Keto diet is rumored to cause distressing symptoms at the outset. This phenomenon is known as the "Keto Flu." This can inflict nausea, headaches, and general lethargy until one's body adjusts to the idea of burning one's hips for fuel. I've done it before, and found the weight loss to be most gratifying. The Keto Flu was not a bad price to pay for the results. So, since I seemed resigned to undergo a variety of unpleasant symptoms due to the aforementioned man cold, I figured, Why not? Let's just commit to misery. And so here we are.

Another one of my physical issues, since we're on the topic, is a radical slide into atrophy, given the week of inactivity. I keep careful log of my forays into fitness because I have a tendency to overreact extraordinarily when I haven't exercised in three minutes. I think, "I haven't worked out in FOREVER, and I'm going to be ENORMOUS." And so I throw myself into carbohydrates with utter abandon. This exhibits a spectacular lack of both rational thought and temperance. I write my workouts down to prevent this occasional insanity. So, I currently realize that I am not hopelessly atrophied. Just a little atrophied. I feel better about myself because I am combating the potential expansion with a studied ingestion of Fat. Ironic, but true. And helpful, foreby.

Now that you are aware of the fascinating details of my health, I feel certain you will be better equipped to pursue the remainder of your day.
You're welcome.