Competition

I did a spinning class at the gym last night. I hated it.
Is that too strong a word?
"Hate?"
No, I think that is just the right word.
I hate it because I can't do it, and we all know that I am driven to Win. My back was not allowing me to lean over and hang on to those blasted handlebar thingys. My lower back is very sore this morning.
I actually only stayed for about 40 minutes and just sat on the alarmingly uncomfortable seat, pushing the pedals around and around.
Jenine and Denise were brutal. They were amazing. I am in awe of them, and I want to be them.
So my goal this week is to exercise more hours than I did last week. Last week was 10 hours total, and I am on target to complete 11 this week.
It's pretty sad when I can only win by competing against myself!
The drive to compete is a funny thing. We were talking about this at bible study a couple weeks ago.
I want to win, and I compare myself to others. It's not biblical, nor particularly healthy to compare oneself with others. It is quite common, though.
And when it comes to determining whether I am a winner or a loser, I only consider myself "competing" when I am ahead. If I am losing I can tell myself and others that I didn't care in the first place.
It's self deception of the most comforting sort.
I want to be smarter than you and thinner than you and have more friends. Which isn't very nice, because I'm thereby wishing you dumb, fat, and lonely. See what it shapes up to be, when you break it down?
If I wish to be the Most Wonderful Person in your World, then, by necessity, I am wishing you to be less than that. So, comparing myself to you keeps me from being able to love you freely and totally. How can I seek your best, if I am coveting that for myself? If I am loving you and seeking to serve you, then I can't very well want to beat you.
What if we each sought the best for those around us? What if we exalted each other? What if we loved so freely that we gave no thought to winning or losing, only to loving?
That would be very Christ-like.
Although, without competition, I'd never do a spinning class again.