Counting my Blessings...

1. Wine. I am so glad that I don't have enough wine in the house to get drunk. That would be a sin.
2. I am truly blessed that the crutches only chafe under my arms. Anywhere else would force others to gaze upon the unsightly sores.
3. My beautiful children. I am so thankful that I have two...any more, and the mess generated would be insurmountable.
4. I am thankful for my credit card, for that is how I handle medical bills.
5. My closet. It's large enough to contain complete wardrobes in 4 sizes. I'm going to be in the "high-end" clothes due to my sedentary lifestyle.

.....Can anyone say "poor attitude"?
I went to see my doctor today. We all know that I was fully expecting a pat on the back for my enthusiastic compliance with the restraints he placed on my activity level.
We all know that I was entirely delusional.
The good news is that my foot has begun to heal.
Barely.
He was rather hoping to see more progress.
He gave (by "gave" I mean that he added it to my bill) me a shoe-like thingy to wear at all times. This replaces the overkill boot I've been plodding about in. He said that my "foot is not to touch the earth without being in the shoe." He then added that it oughtn't to touch the earth much at all, and recommended crutches.
And so the saga continues.
The threat of surgery looms large before me.
I kicked a chair, for goodness sake! Not even on purpose. I would have aimed better if I'd meant to do it. Come to think of it, I just might go do that.
I am in despair.
Sitting still does not come easily. Neither does submitting to weakness. Nor submitting to anything, but that's another topic. I honestly don't like it when you people bring me food and clean my house.
OK, I lied. I like the food part.
But I don't like needing help, and that's the point. I don't like needing money, or service, or emotional support, or forgiveness. I don't like needing.
The Bible tells me "Be Still and Know that I Am God." I very often over spiritualize that. He wants me to be still in some sort of mystical way that won't affect my gym schedule or my friendships? Perhaps He wants me to sit down, and shut up, and be very, very without activity. Be Still.
And then there's that second part. The part about knowing. You know how the bible uses that word "knowing" for the way a man knows his wife? It's a hugely intimate sort of knowing. The kind of knowing that is experiential and complete. God wants me to know Him in a totally intimate way that includes experience and emotion. The comparison to matrimony was His idea, not mine, so don't be thinking I am all freaky.
The thing is, being still is quite literal.
And knowing God is deliberately active. The first part is forced upon me, the second requires more of my will. God would have me see how needy I really am.
hmmm...That's a lot to think about.