Do you know about Sargent? I know that's not how you spell it if you are in the military, but that's how you spell it if you are my dog.
I don't much care for dogs. They are, if you ask me, icky.
This particular dog became ours because my Mother claimed that every little boy Must Have a Dog. Otherwise they won't grow up normal, see? So she bought us a beagle.
Beagles howl. Incessantly.
Dog hair will find it's way into your cooking, if you have an inside pet. It will! Plus, your clothing will always have dog hair on it. It's like cigarrette smoke in that way. This is why my dog stays outside.
I have made some progress in Canine Compassion. I began allowing the dog to sleep in a crate in my kitchen after the neighbors complained. Most of the time the dog stays outside. He howls at squirrels, and people, and motorized vehicles, and blades of grass, and oxygen.
Everyone else on the planet likes dogs, though. Why is it that I am the only one who thinks they are unsanitary, expensive, and loud? Not unlike children, come to think of it. Or men.
And little boys don't take care of dogs. Moms do. I don't actually Touch it, you understand. But I do have to constantly remind the young ones to feed, water, and walk the Animal. They love it in an emotional, warm-fuzzy sort of way.
You should see how much they love the dog when I send them out with a plastic bag and a shovel. Then they are all ready to grow up without a dog. I can't get rid of it though. It's too late, because now it's a responsibility thing.
There's a lot of things about dogs that gross me out, besides the hair and the howl. They consume their own vomit, and that's actually mentioned in the Bible, so I am not just being shocking. They do that licking thing, too; That is NOT okay. And the Sniffing. Why must I submit to being smelled by a nose that has recently inhaled the wrong end of other beasts, and newly dampened fire hydrants? They are gross.
This is how I feel about dogs, and I admit this as a sort of confession. There is counseling available for people like me, but I don't much care to be cured.
You can like dogs, though, and I'll still like you.
3 comments:
You are so funny. Do you have the ability to look past the ickiness and see the good qualities in a dog, namely the personality, the loyalty, kindness?
So, how is Walmart like an icky beagle? I have not seen any of their employees resort to these antics, but then I really don't pay much attention except for the cashier.
Ya know, I did see...never mind.
Guess it's better than a lizard.
I love beagles! My first dog was a beagle named Maxillium Darwin. Oh could he ever howl! Not a brain in his head save for tracking and attacking squirrels. Well, he also loved to chase birds as well but they cheated. He also hated the garbage man, you would have thought him a shepard the way he would attack any fence or door if he suspected there was a garbage man on the other side!
I usually have to work out for 30 minutes before openning up your blog, as without it you can feel your manhood drained by the overpowering pink. What happened? I am not complainging mind you, but here I went and worked out for nothing!
I will have to tell you about my week on Monday, it was quite interesting, so interesting that I have only been on the computer for maybe 15 minutes this week!
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