I decorate with Lysol

The kitchen floor is now clean-ish, which will bring you no small relief. I mopped it with an unknown substance from beneath my sink. The picture on the faded label resembled a sparkle, so I figured I couldn't go wrong. Usually, I mop with the bald man or a pine tree, but this was all I could find on short notice.

My old friend Heidi used to boil pine sol when company was coming so that her house would smell clean. Which? Whatever...her house is always clean anyway. She's in Virginia now. Weren't there tornadoes there last night? The boys and I watched the movie Twister last night on Don's new computer. That is one of the best movies ever made for one-liners. It has lines suitable for quoting in a wide variety of situations. I find that much funnier than it probably is.

That spray Lysol is great for sanitizing in a pinch. I use it on doorknobs, telephones, light switches and small children. Baby wipes are fantastic for quick bathroom cleaning, too. Those new-fangled expensive wipe things are over-rated. My mother sometimes carries little alcohol wipes when she goes in public. No, not that kind of alcohol. She kills germs. She is a sort of civil servant in that way.

My youngest child is a little OCD about germs. He was thrilled about having his own computer so that no one else's germs would touch his keyboard. I Lysol my keyboard. He also makes a mental note of anyone who doesn't wash their hands after using the bathroom. If we know you in real life, and you don't wash your hands, know this: You are much discussed at our house. And we're a little grossed out.

You would think with all this attention to the eradication of yuck, that I'd have a really clean house. Not so. Someday I will, though. I will have a gloriously decorated home with formal gardens and a fountain. I will have a library and a library ladder. I will have a Victorian parlor and we shall take our tea there in the afternoon, if it's too chilly on the veranda. In that day I will custom order tassels for every room from the Nester.

Do you think that Mr Clean is single?