Years ago, I dated a guy for a while and sort of dropped my friends flat. It was very hurtful to them, and ended up hurting me.
I regret that deeply.
This time, I am determined to be a better friend thru the dating process.
I thought it would be easier this time, since he and I share a lot of the same friends.
It isn't easier.
It's a very strange phenomenon. See, he and I have been individuals within our little group.
Now, we're a couple.
The thing is, that the individuals have, in many ways, vanished. Not really, but that's how it must feel to our friends. It's a death, of a sort.
Our friends' perception of the oddness seems to magnify how they see our intimacy.
If we share a private joke, it looks like we're ignoring everyone.
If he puts his arm around me, it looks like we're all over each other.
If he kisses me, they think we're making-out.
We're mostly restrained and proper in front of everyone. We're also quite affectionate, and obviously crazy about each other. Both of us are concerned with propriety and purity.
The truth is that I can't really get enough of him. I enjoy the couple-ness. There is so much joy and excitement!
And, I would love to have my close friends involved in the fun of it. I would really like them to be happy for us, and I know they are. I'd like them to be comfortable dealing with us as a couple, instead of sitting around waiting for us to snap out of it. Somehow I doubt that even 20 years of marriage would make us the type of couple who are ok with no public display of affection. We're, neither of us, wired that way.
For the time being, we're weirding them all out. And there is a bit of division in our little group as a result. I don't really know how to avoid that division, but I don't like it. I suppose it's a matter of adjusting to the new normal.
One of our dear friends compared us to first cousins who get together within a family. It's just a little creepy to have two good, close friends, gazing into each other's eyes. I mean, this ain't Arkansas, or Florida, or wherever the heck you can marry your cousin.
6 comments:
Yeah, it is amazing how "couples" just sort of "lose" the other singles in their lives and even friends. Probably not intentional, but their priorities change and all others become dust.
Sniff.....
So just have PJ thump you on the head occasionally so you will remember those of us in Blog-land!
It's understandable that your group needs time to adjust. And that your actions feel magnified to them because of their heightened sensitivities to the newness of your relatioship.
Give it time... I remember once when Asia and I were dating and you told me I "had my hand in his crotch" at church and I remember vividly that I had simply laid my hand on his leg... for some reason I've never forgotten that - it made me realize how sensitive I needed to be toward you in my relationship with him. And it also taught me that we're not always completely rational when we feel like our status in a friendship is being altered or lowered in some way.
Praying for this transition... Smooches.
adjusting to the new normal...seems to be the theme in most poeples lives that I know lately...what is it with this new Fall season and all the changes?
well, you are aware of others feelings, and trying to stay balanced-whatever that lookslike when youre in the throes of a new love:)
its all normal-and things wont stay the same with everyone, but it sounds like it'll be worth it.
If people cant be happy with you, well, you still deserve to be happy!!!
hugs~
God just smacked me over the head. You know when that happens? He reminded me to choose my words carefully. That my words can have a significant impact on those that I love and that love and trust me. How many times do I need to be reminded of that before I get it? My hope is that I didn't go to far. I thought you should be aware. Our little group is changing, that is true, relationships have been altered, life will never be what it was, but I think we've always known that day would come. And I think the friendships that we have worked so hard to build can and will be sustained. They will be changed, and we will adjust and relate to eachother in new ways. God likes to keep us on our toes, very exciting, no? Whatever happens, know that I am unbelievably excited and happy for you both. And once again in awe of the goodness of our God.
One thing will never change, you will always be very dear to my heart.
love you, k
i totally see both sides of the coin but if God is really leading you & your friends then there will be no damage, only change. He's ALWAYS about change and if we pay attention, we all end up better for it.
So, enjoy your time with T because its fun to be in love. It makes me want to sing dumb songs like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwJEY0iZCY0
praying 4 U,
paj
It's ok, you know. I am driven to do this dating thing well, and I want to be extremely open to the input of those I love, who love me.
I also want to know where to stand firm, and where to make changes. That takes wisdom.
God has given me really fantastic friends, and I want to take great care of them, as well.
Love you guys.
Post a Comment