Duality on a Date and Doctrine Observed

Tim and I had a romantic mini-date this afternoon. We each got a Starbucks, and we drove down to the river, where we walked hand-in-hand.....while looking for any trace of our Runaway-Drug-Addicted-Teenaged-Son. Driving home in the car we couldn't help but wonder at how extremely weird life can be. How did we ever get to be these people, with the circumstances in which we find ourselves?
Perplexing as it is, I find that my life looks nothing like I thought it would. All of my deliberate efforts, all of my careful planning, all of the things I thought I could accomplish have been turned upside-down. I'm a middle-class Christian Homeschool mom, for Pete's Sake! How did I end up skulking about in the seedy areas of town looking for Druggies?  Truly, if God does not have all things well in hand then I have no hope.

Which is not to despair; quite the opposite. I stand, as usual, in the midst of the most astonishing situation, and I can do exactly nothing. This God of Creation, He knows all, and I do believe that He is purposefully fulfilling His Good Plan. (I'm not super wild about the way that it's all unfolding, but it ain't boring, I can sure say that.)

"Take no thought for the morrow....Sufficient unto the day is the Evil thereof." Matthew 6:34
This is the portion of Scripture which keeps coming to my mind today. (You know how I love the Old English of the King James Version.) This verse is a little sarcastic, which I think is comical coming from Jesus. I like seeing Jesus shown in the Bible as sarcastic and clever because it makes Him so much more relatable, so real.  Anyway, He's saying not to worry about what troubles are likely to hit you next, because today has plenty of Evil to keep you busy. Which hardly seems all that reassuring, right?

I keep getting ahead of myself by wondering if Don will be lost forever, or overdose, or be found dead.....When I move on to those things I've outdistanced the Grace of God. I think that's the real point that Jesus was making in His tongue-in-cheek statement. It's not so much that my cup floweth over with evil, but that God gives you and I just the grace to cover the problems we have to contend with today. We have no extra, only what we need. I have no grace to handle the potential traumatic scenarios involving my son because those are not things I've been given to deal with... yet.

There will be evil in my day today, and there will be evil tomorrow. It's an unfortunate part of living in this world. However, God gives the resources we need, as we need them. I would prefer to be in possession of all the grace I'll need for the next week, as well as a written plan detailing all the relevant bits. I know why God doesn't give me all that, though, and He's totally right. Do you know why? It's because I couldn't manage it on my own. Heck, I have all the food I need for the next week in the pantry downstairs, and I can't even portion that out correctly. We could see the same problem of over-indulgence in my checkbook. God knows that Grace to deal with tomorrow's evil is way too important to trust me with early. I'd overuse and overindulge.

Meanwhile, I'm really not liking this particular brand of Evil. I miss my son. I'm afraid. I cry rather more often than I want to. But, there's nothing like a good bit of personal drama to keep a gal on her knees in prayer.
If only He'd portion out my food, I'd be back at a size 6.