M' has been saying lately, "I wish you were married." Which always snags my heart. Some days I want to be married so bad; most days I am thankful and content. But when my oldest boy wishes out loud for a dad, it just breaks my heart.
I know what he means. I am all pink and lace, and I tell him not to be vulgar. He wants me to belch the ABCs and take him coyote hunting. I read somewhere that the best mom in the world still can't be a dad. Isn't that the truth?
There is so much in Scripture about God being a Father to the fatherless. I believe that stuff, I do. I can tell you all about how I've seen God do this or that in the boys. But the boys want to toss the football, and wrestle, and rough-house with someone who is less prim and proper than I am.
I struggle with this.
I've told you about it before, but I'm thinking on it again today. It seems so ungrateful for me to wish for a real father for my children when no human could possibly measure up to the God of Creation, as Provider and Protector. God is so Good to us!
I feel like Israel wishing for an earthly King. How that must have broken God's heart! He wanted for them the Very Very Best King....But he relented to meet their demands, and the best He could offer them was Saul.
This, more than anything has quieted my longing to marry again. I would marry, if God brought me a man chosen by Him. If I knew it was His best for me. But if He prefers to keep Himself in that capacity for me, I shall take it as a gift.
It's when my children struggle that I feel the ache.
5 comments:
It is normal for children to struggle with their desire to have what is "normal" and reality. Been there, explained that a zillion times!
You really ought to find a male in your church willing to just spend a weekend a month with the rascals, or one for each of them - it would probably help a great deal with where they are going.
And mostly, God provides our needs, not our desires (thank heavens!). He is the most faithful provider you will ever encounter. Yah, you may long for what your friends have - but that may not be what He wants for you, or your boys. Keep the faith and wait on Him. There is always reason behind what He does or does not do - using 20/20 hindsight.
This breaks my heart too . God has hardwired us to long for that type of relationship . It sounds like God may be working in m the same way he worked in you . The being content with God as husband for you and God for him as father . Relationship is tough even with God . I will be praying for him .
jd
Thank you for your prayers and your advice, you two.
Both of the boys actually have men who are really involved in their lives. We are really fortunate in that.
It's funny, this is one of those things that seems to come and go from time to time.
I've just caught up, after having suffered the black death myself.
Is that music??
It's almost just like being in your living room. Hold on...I'm going to light a candle and pour a glass of wine! :)
kara
Amen! Remembering that God has a plan, The Very Best Plan, for you and your boys can be difficult when the trials are felt, but you KNOW it is true. So, Amen to all you said, and I'll pray for God to meet your family's every need abundantly!
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