The Bachelors in my life

Surprisingly, I did have company for dinner last night.
When you are me, bachelors drop in at the dinner hour, from time to time.
Not the man I'm in love with, mind you. He would never make the mistake of dropping in when I'm serving wild game.
Other men. Older, less interested men. These are men who have either been married to my family, or otherwise have been fixtures in my life over the years. These men know that they can safely rely upon my cooking and my hospitality.
There's my own father, who is currently a bachelor.
There's my step-father, who is likewise currently single.
There's my former worship pastor, who has been my friend these many a year.
Once, my ex-husband even dropped in at dinner time. This occurred coincidentally at the very same moment that my favorite-former-worship-pastor also stopped in at the dinner hour. It was a bit like running a boarding house.

The pheasant was surprisingly edible last night. I simmered it for ages in one of those hearty cast iron skillets. I dressed her in some flour, some onions, and a bit of garlic for good measure. There was olive oil involved, and water,too, so she wouldn't dry out. Not bad.

I'm not really a good cook. I enjoy cooking. I also enjoy eating. But I don't willingly submit to recipes. I used to think I was a good cook, but I'm not. I am a mom cook. Casseroles, and stews....boardinghouse fare.
Tim is a gourmet cook. He follows recipes exactly, and serves consistently amazing food. He frequently cooks a full dinner for himself, and allows his children to eat something kid-friendly. I don't ever bother cooking for one. If it's just me, I'll grab a slice of cheese, or fry an egg. Or go without. Who wants to bother with a mess?

And, no we're not engaged yet.
This is a bit like being nine months pregnant. Well- meaning friends call and say, "Has that baby come yet?" And the very question is depressing, because everyone is waiting on you, and you can't really do much about it. And it's not like you haven't been wondering the same thing. I think the fun response to that question would be, "Oh, yeah, I had the baby two weeks ago, and just didn't bother to call you."
What are you people going to do if he never proposes?
That poor man! I wonder if he is cognisant of the haze of expectation that shrouds his every move? He would ignore it anyway. He has one of those wonderful personalities that allows him to be influenced not-at-all by the opinions of others. I wish I were more like that.

As it is, the hour is growing late with haste, and my children are yet abed. I need to spring into action. I'll share more of my riveting thoughts with you at some later time.
I know.
You can hardly wait.

Here comes the Bride, big, fat and wide

There is seemilngly no end to the ways that I, Kelly, can avoid responsibility.
It's a gift, I tell you.
Just moments ago, in fact, I was daydreaming about my wedding. What I should have been doing is waking my children for the day, and exercising my flabby muscles. In my imagination, I was Grace Kelly getting married in a pale blue silk suit, with lots of splendid jewelry. Also, I was firm.
It's not like I am engaged, or anything. I just fantasize about weddings on account of being single. It is what single women everywhere do.
People who ask me when he is going to propose often follow-up with an RSVP to my wedding. I'm not having a wedding, I hope. Who would go thru that twice? I very nearly killed my sweet mother over my first wedding.
Weddings are expensive and stressful. I do not want to have a second wedding. I do want a lovely new dress, an official pronouncement....and then I would like to be left alone with Tim for a long time. Is that too much to ask? I was thinking that a pastoral sort could come to the house and preside over vows in the living room. This is my idea of an ideal second wedding. Therefore, no RSVPs are necessary.
Just so you know.
So, when do you think he's going to propose?

.....there is no ring on my left finger. People keep asking, though. Tim keeps getting the question, "When are you going to propose?" As if they suppose that 4 months is an indecently long time to have dated without an expectation of a future.

Today I worked for 10 hours. I have no sense of humor left, because I am too tired, but was feeling accutely neglectful of my bloggerly readers. How long since I last wrote? Four months? Shouldn't you buy me a diamond?

I am going to bed.

Say it with me, "I love my job"

Why do computers hate me, when I am such a nice person? The feeling is mutual, I can assure you. Here I sit facing a piece of technology that holds me captive and mistifies me, both at the same time. Computers are like men in that way. Not that I hate men. But they do tend to confuse and mystify me. Don't worry, things are fine with Tim. He is bewildering because of his gender, while my computer is bewildering because of spyware, viruses immune to Lysol, and freaky unsolicited shutdowns. Hate Computers.
But, back to Tim. He has a birthday tomorrow. A day on which he will age considerably. Mostly this is due to the fact that his daughter will become 11 on the same day that he turns one-year-older.She is becoming a young woman, and in my experience this means that she is likely to become moody and female. This will, no doubt, give him grey hair. Then, next week, both his son and mine will have birthdays a day apart. They'll be 7 and 12, respectively. It's a celebration extraveganza, I tell you. Who can afford December?
How is that Christmas shopping coming? Anyone?
For my part, I have not yet begun. You can't rush these things. Actually, back in the day when I had money, I used to do my shopping months in advance. I would do that again, except that I, you know, can't.

Work's been fine, thanks for asking. It's all I do, though, and that puts a serious crimp in my style. I have been working 4 to 6, and sometimes 8 hours a day. It's a little part time job that is ruining my homeschool, housework, and friendships. How do normal single moms do it? When do you do laundry, or kiss your kids? When do you excercise or go out on hot dates? Because I don't have time for anything.
Except for reading. I have time for that.
And Kara, who loves me, brought me sushie last night to accompany my good book. It was a very relaxing, much needed time of quiet.

This morning, I am very filled with the joy of the Lord as I consider going off to work again. Whoo Hoo.
Maybe I can get a nightly sushie delivery service, and a maid, and a private tutor for the children.
Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket.

Blah Blah Blah

I had my first day at work today. Once I get going, I'll be working really flexible hours, so that I can continue to parent full time. However, the next couple weeks have me away from home a lot. I like it. You know how some women abandon their homes for the workplace, where they feel appreciated and they earn money for it? I used to judge those women.
There is a whole world out there. Did you know? A world where people wouldn't dream of standing outside my bathroom door to have a conversation whilst I am otherwise occupied. A world where grown-ups consult my opinion and take my advice. A world where people have recently showered.
I came home this afternoon to an astonishing pile of dirty dishes.
But there was also a full in-box of love letters from Tim.
Ah, the real world.

I gave the dog a haircut tonight. This dog looked like a wild third-world mutt. Now she looks half her size. She was pretty gross, and the hair wasn't trimming itself.
I think that this employment is going to help me to be more productive than usual. Before I even left this morning, I had done laundry and dishes and a very respectable quiet time. My Mother used to say that busy people are the ones who get things done. I think she's right.

I'm going to a funeral on Monday. It's for the father of my friend, Heidi . She is the eldest of 12 kids. She has 10 of her own. They are a good sort of people, the sort who should really be encouraged to reproduce. I haven't seen this friend in a couple of years. The trip to the funeral involves a road trip with girlfriends. I am expecting Patsy, Kara, Jenine, Jessie. These are girls who love, and girls who go way back. These are the sorts of friends a girl needs.

On a different note, entirely....
Do you know that people often ask inappropriate questions of dating people? I have taken an informal survey of the sorts of things folks will say to a dating couple, and I think you should hear about them, so you'll know what not to say. You would never say these things, I am sure.
But everyone else does.
1. How come he hasn't proposed yet? Or: When are you going to propose?
2. Are you going to use birth control?
3. Am I invited to the wedding?
And my personal favorite:
4. So, how far have you two gone?
I have been asked these questions repeatedly, and so has Tim.
The answers, in no particular order, are: Back off, Mind our own business, In your dreams, and no. In case you were wondering.

Danger, Will Robinson

If you have no idea why I gave this post that title, I am sure you are not alone. It's kind of dumb, actually. It's from a TV show. Can anyone name it?

I have a date tonight, that I have been looking forward to for 2 weeks. When you are old and dating, it's a lot like being married most of the time; romantic evenings are spent washing dishes together, instead of drinking and dancing under the stars. We sit on the couch and sip wine while the children gallivant before us, and then the youngest will plop down in between us to snuggle. It's like romance, only less relaxing.
He invited me to go to dinner and a movie. He asked me two weeks ago, and told me the restaurant, and the movie we're going to see. I find that looking forward to it is a big part of the fun.
I have no idea what to wear.

Romance is a fascinating topic. Not just my love life, necessarily, but in general. I was reading in the Song of Solomon yesterday, and there were a few things that struck me anew.
One, is that romance must be very important to God. I know that some prudish commentators claim that the Song of Solomon is an analogy for God's love for us, and maybe there's a hint of that. But the book is about Desire and Passion and Romance. These fascinating elements were God's idea, and He showers approval on them by the things He says.
Also, the world, and the evil one, seem to have put a lot of effort into corrupting God's idea of Romance. This tells me that the whole thing is quite powerful and important.
Powerful and Important.
I think that's very profound.

My love is something to fight for, and to guard from attack. Mostly, I find that I have to protect it from myself, to be honest. I need no help from the devil, to have a corrupting influence on my relationship. I could damage it with one errant afternoon. Or a bit of gossip. There's probably lots I could do, because I can be very bad, when left to my own devices.
God calls us to something better.
His idea of romance comes with a warning label. It's more powerful than the atom bomb. Isn't that strange? How can something with so much intensity ever accomplish something good? When I look around my culture, I see a battlefield of broken hearts and shredded souls, from love gone bad, or twisted into a mockery. Many... most... of the people I know, have been desperately wounded from handling this powerful magic with no regard to the caveats.
Passion, romance, and desire were God's idea, though. He details how to work with this powerful force, in a way that creates, rather than destroys. If there is so much power to crush, imagine how this can be, when handled well!

I'm learning a lot. I'm learning about Tim, of course, but I'm also learning about myself, and about God. There is "Deep Magic" here, like in Narnia. Something that is mystical and divine.
....And Very, Very Powerful.

Will you respect me in the morning?

My teenager and I were discussing the finer points of dating. Specifically, the question of how far a dating couple should go physically. As a parent, I think he should stay very far from all females until he's ready to marry the girl of my choosing. He can hold her hand after the wedding vows.

For myself, it might be a different matter. Kissing is fun, and I would like to pursue it as a recreational activity. Or an Olympic event.

Is it a different matter?

Someone who is wiser than me lent an interesting perspective to my thinking:
As a young adult, there is a learning process through which one learns to relate to the opposite sex. One must learn the value of commitment, of communication, and finally, of physical expression.
A young person will not be able to understand what a relationship takes, indeed, will likely not be remotely concerned with building a lifelong love.
They are more interested in satisfying their curiosity, and indulging baser urges.

As an adult who has been married, there ought to be a deeper understanding of the power, and the value of relationship. There should be a maturity that allows for more deliberate action, in every aspect of a romance. This is not always the case, obviously. But a seasoned adult is certainly in a better position to understand this than a fledgling teen.

Ergo, where a hormone ridden adolescent ought to refrain from physical expression, an adult may carefully chose to participate (though perhaps not with the intensity of an Olympic event.)

Is that any different than insisting that my kids refrain from alcohol, while I sip my wine? Or refusing to allow them a puff of my cigar? I don't really smoke cigars. Not very often, anyway. Can they cry "hypocrite"?

There's no doubt that I can speak on this issue with my kids from the perspective of a person in the midst of it.
Most of my friends will deal with these issues with their children, from the security of a long standing marriage. Lucky them.
However, my hope is that my kids will see that I am really in-touch with these issues, and that I am speaking from a fresh perspective.
I want them to know that purity is a struggle, but it's one that I have fought for. I want them to know that I can relate when they struggle....you know, when that day comes.

I want my kids to save sex for marriage, but I want more than that for them. I want them to see sexual expression as of priceless value, and for them to pursue Purity in every relationship they have. I must think about this and model a clear example for them to follow. And I must be able to answer their questions with honesty and conviction.

It's also worth noting that I find biblical guidelines for dating to be ambiguous at best. God is clear about how a single person can live with unobstructed devotion to the Lord. I get that.
Married persons can glorify God in the display of Christ's love for the church.
But what about the transition...this weird dating thing we do in the Western world? It seems to me that even here one must live it out in way that brings attention to the Creator. He is the Author of Romance, after all. It was His idea. And a very fine idea it is, if I may say so.

In dating, as in everything else, "whatever you do, in word or deed, do all to the glory of God." Can I kiss to the Glory of God? Can my teenager?

It's sure worth thinking about.

Dani shot the kids

I have consumed three times my body weight in carbohydrates today. What with all the sleeping and the eating, I suspect my figure is likely to suffer. I can read your mind, you know. It is not PMS.

I have been framing the man I love. My house is like a shrine. I have lovely, smiling images of Tim, sitting atop freshly ironed lace all over my house. The pictures are sitting on the lace. Not Tim. Although, that thought is somewhat amusing. Patsy could likely arrange something quite comical, along those lines, with a few minutes in Photoshop.
Now I need more pictures of the kids in frames. The above photos are some of my favorites. With the startling exception of my eldest, who looks like a cougar magnet.
Why do we have so many pictures, you ask? Doesn't every dating couple get family photos done? Seems perfectly sane to me.
The photos were done by my sister, Dani. She was going to be a famous photographer for National Geographic when she grew up. She's really gifted. Instead of an illustrious career, she just takes pictures of celibate, christian couples and their children. Which works well for me.

For the rest of your life

Well, hi there.
My children and I went to the local water park yesterday, and had a blast. This water slide extravaganza costs a fortune to visit, so we only go every couple of years, and that on discount days.
My personal favorite ride is this U-shaped deal. You are launched off of the summit in a boat thingy, and plummet to the valley, and up again the other side. It's quite a rush. There are G forces involved. Love that.

*****************************

I've been praying for the marriages of those around me lately. There is so much power in that sacred relationship to strengthen or weaken people. Those who feel loved, and are deeply committed to their spouse, have such a solid footing from which to meet the world. Those whose homes are dominated by strife, or insecurities, limp along with such a handicap. It's powerful stuff, I tell you.

I wonder if it would be right to view a marriage as a vital entity? As in, something living or dying; healthy or ill. Sometimes it seems that emergency attention could return a relationship to health, but the participants are unwilling to take the steps.
From where I stand, it looks like many couples live entirely independently of one another. I wonder if the marriage ought to receive diligent attention, almost like a third part of the union? There's Husband, Wife, and Marriage.
If the husband is content, the wife is lonely, and the marriage is a formality....then we're looking at a nightmare. But, how often does this happen? You could have a lonely husband, and a straying wife. Or two completely selfish people....whatever. There are any number of scenarios, to be sure.

I am very thankful for the life I have. Heck I'd way rather be alone, than be married and lonely. But, I am given to consideration of the sort of marriage I'd like, if I had the option. I hope that I, and my spouse, would be equally diligent to nurture the health and vitality of the marriage.
My heart breaks for those I love who live with daily heartache.

That's a downer of a post, huh?
It's just this ever-present force in the majority of people around me. It's sometimes great, and sometimes debilitating. Often, it's a straitjacket for those who want it to be better, but lack the compliance of their partner. It's heavy on my heart.

wondering aloud

Does anyone out there have a really fantastic marriage?
I've been single, more or less, for a decade. There are some elements of married life that I would dearly love to have, but I'd rather be single forever than get into a bad marriage.
Is it possible to have a relationship between a man and a woman in which:
-they delight in meeting one another's needs?
-the two genuinely enjoy each other?
-there is profound mutual respect?
-the you-know-what is fabulous?

I know marriages where the spouses don't even like each other. Or, the physical aspect is a drudgery. In some, one partner doesn't even clue in that there's a fixable problem.

What a frightening prospect! Not that there are men lined up out my door with marriage proposals, you understand. I'm just speculating that if I had opportunity to marry, I'd be a little nervous. The odds are so against having a truly delightful experience.
Yet, this relationship was designed by God. He thought it was a good idea.
Doesn't that blow your mind?
Done His way, this should demonstrate such a beautiful picture of God's love for the church. This should be something so winsome, that observers learn about the love of God from what they see.
I know some marriages like that. They are rare, but powerful.
That's what I want, and nothing less. But how do you know at the outset?

In which I compare movies and wine, and I manage to mention God

SO, you know how I wait a decade or so after a movie comes out to actually see it? I have this robust imagination, see, and so I really do not need many movies. Not fresh, anyway.
And if I die, the good wines are in my closet, under the lingerie thingy. Because they should age, too.
I finally worked up to seeing The Count of Monte Cristo. Loved it. Thanks for the recommendation, Kara. Now I am ready to get kissed, which is the unfortunate effect that romantic movies have on my discontented self. I was all happy with my single life, and then BAM! Mercedes finds her true love. I'm ruined.

What is it about the romance that is so darned distracting? It's the beauty, I think. The thrill and the adventure.
I'm going to bring up God now, and if that annoys you, then you are really reading the wrong blog. Seriously.
God fires in me the grand appetite for the sublime. It's because He is the pinnacle of all that can take my breath away, and He leaves this trail that leads only to Him. He is beauty and adventure. He is passion and danger. He is Warrior and Poet. He is Mystery and Imagination. His desire is for Me.
No wonder all men pale in comparison.
But, O! If there were such a man!
...Then I guess I could have both.
And I would be insufferably happy.
And you would have to hate me.

A masterpiece of irony

The weather was saved from being too hot by a consistent breeze; a favorable zephyr which carried the none-too-fresh scent of my unwashed self down the beach. I was thinking myself quite European on account of the week-old growth on my legs, when I somehow fell to the consideration of lust. Ironic, no?
Does being married cure the wrestling match with lust? I decided it must not.
Indeed, if lust is a selfish condition of the heart, then it must have a considerable impact upon a marriage relationship.
Lust on the beach, is a lingering, and sinful, indulgence of imagination, with a victim who may be entirely unaware. Within the confines of matrimony, it could lead to infidelity, of course.
But, it would do other damage as well.
A lust-inclined heart is utterly selfish.
You must please me. Your purpose on this planet is to meet my needs, and if you fail, then I have the divine right to find the fulfillment of my desires elsewhere. Make me happy! Please me! Buy me what I want!
No wonder so many marriages fail. No wonder I so often fail.

20 minutes of sun on the front side. I checked to make sure the kids were still alive, and I turned over to cook the back of me.
And to consider the alternative to lust.
Love is about you, not me, and ultimately about God. That would be a wonderful heart-inclination to offer a spouse.
I must please you. My purpose on this planet is to serve God by meeting your needs. If ever you fail me, I have the divine right look to God Himself to meet my every need.
What about outside of marriage? As a single person I find that I vacillate between these two attitudes. If only I could focus the intention of my heart to love those around me, without demanding that they fill me up.

You'll be so relieved to know that I showered when I got home. And shaved. And then, I blogged.

Off to the Threshing Floor

Ah! How fickle is the heart of woman!
Just yesterday, I was enamoured of Joshua.
Today I want to marry Boaz.
The jump from the book of Joshua to that of Ruth was an easy tangent this morning. I read about the fall of Jerico, and the transfer of Rahab to the Israelite nation. Rahab begets Boaz.
So, I jumped on over to Ruth, and got a little sappy. That is such a romantic story!

There are very few examples of courtship in Scripture. They weren't big on dating back then.
There's the whole Rachel/Leah thing, which didn't work out so well for those girls. Rachel's part of the story is romantic, what with Jacob working 14 years to win her hand. However, I always get sidetracked by the sadness that is Leah's.
There's Rebekah's story, though that was an arranged marriage. Still, they had that love-at-first-sight.I have love-at-first-sight all the time. Just kidding.
Esther married the king after she won a beauty pageant. What woman wants to be married as a trophy?
Those are about the only examples of how to get a spouse that I can think of, beyond Ruth and Boaz.

Ruth fascinates me, because she is the instigator in this relationship. She gets all dolled up, in her pretty clothes and makeup. Then, she marches in to where Boaz had fallen asleep after a night of feasting and drinking. Once he wakes up, and notices that she is there, she basically proposes.
"Hey Handsome, you can have me if you want me. Whadaya say?"
That took a tremendous amount of courage, if you ask me. Either she was confident of his interest in her, and knew he needed a little help....or I don't know what. Can you imagine being that gutsy? I would die a thousand deaths, and swim the seven seas, before I'd snuggle up to a man who hadn't voiced interest in me. Which could explain why I'm still single.

Boaz is amazing. He must be a man of God. Clearly he has his finances in order. He is known as a man of affluence and influence. Plus, he notices the character of Ruth, and that is what draws him to her. He pays very close attention to her. He appreciates and respects the woman that she is. That tells me a lot about the man he was. Naomi understands him well. She tells Ruth that Boaz will resolve things quickly, "He won't rest until he's settled the matter this day." Boaz seems to be a man of action.
He is impressed by who she is, more than how she looks.
He pays very close attention to her, and meets the needs he can see.
He is concerned for her protection and her reputation, and he takes steps to shelter her.
He is just about giddy when he realizes her interest in him, and he quickly acts to make her his own.
I'm pretty much in love with him.

Hormones are the Devil

I can hardly stand myself when I'm moody.

This weekend is an eharmony free weekend. My son walked into the office yesterday and said, "What are you doing on eharmony?"
"I am rejecting men, honey. It's very therapeutic."
I am sure not going to fall in love with some computer profile. That's not natural, in my opinion. I like the free weekend, because then I can see how there are lots of eligible bachelors out there, and they are all freaks, then I can hit the "close" button that rejects them. It's very tidy. I get to see all these men's profiles, and I can eliminate the option, all without wasting perfectly good makeup. It's like catalog shopping. You get to browse, and circle what you want, without actually spending money. Only what I want ain't there. It's quite satisfying to toss out what I don't want, though.

Here's the bad stuff from my day:
The microwave? Lightning and smoke, just moments ago.
The car? 100+ thousand miles and needing some work.
The kids? Braces needed for a mere 4k
The love life? Yeah, whatever.
I need to win the lottery. No, I need to play the lottery. How's my faith holding up? You impressed?

I was then planning to list the great stuff from my day, but I really don't want to cheer up. I am perfectly happy being grumpy, thank you very much.
I am now going to curl up
in my bed
alone
again
with a glass of red wine, any chocolate I can find, and a weepy movie.

Mr. Right

Sometimes I think that I am so incredibly privileged. God picked me. I'm not talking about the whole 5-point-Calvin-predestination thing. God picked me to be someone He cares for in a very direct and real sense. God calls Himself the Father to the Fatherless, and the Husband of the widow. We read that over, and we know it must be true. But I get to live that, in a close up and very real way.
When I pray for a husband, I struggle to know if that is the right thing to pray for. Is that really what I want?
This morning in church, I was watching couples (I was also listening to the sermon, so don't you be thinking that I wasn't.) There were these men with their arms about the woman next to them. The gal would lean her head on his shoulder, and he'd kiss her hair. This was happening all around in church. It's a cozy place.
I was tempted for a moment to feel envious.
Then God gently reminded me that He picked me. He has kept me as His own for many years. I sit under the shadow of His wing.
Have you ever toured a magnificent home that you could never afford? One with a dozen bathrooms and a formal garden? You know how dissatisfied you get? I do, anyway. I start looking down on my pretty little home as if I've been somehow denied the better things in life.
I think my husband wishings are like that in reverse.
I have this huge Husband Who is wealthy beyond measure. He surrounds me in love that is never marred by arguments or squabbles. He never neglects to meet the deepest desires of my heart. He parents these children without ever making a mistake.
When I see some man caress his wife, it's like longing for a cottage, when I posses a castle.

I can never seem to reconcile that God ordained marriage, and it is a good thing.... with the fact that I don't have it, and I must not allow myself to be ungrateful or discontent. He is so good to me, and I am a fickle creature. What human man would put up with that?

On why I love Chocolate

It is truly a wonder that I am still single, on account of how beautiful and brilliant I am.

I tried on swimwear last night for the briefest moment at the mall. It was a brief moment because of the time frame involved, and also because of the fabric.
The shocking conclusion I reached was that swimwear is stupid. The only way to contain one's bosom, is to wear a bikini. All of the suits that covered one's midsection, allowed all manner of flesh to bubble over the top. There is no modesty to be found.
What is modest? I don't want to be frumpy, you understand, just adequately (and flatteringly) supported. Alas, twas not to be.
And besides...swimsuit shopping with Kara? She looks good in everything. Even bare or bursting.
I resisted the urge to slit my wrists, and we ran across the street to our class. (we didn't really run. I meant that figuratively. If I would run, I'd look better in less fabric.)

The teacher of our class is brilliant. You know how I go weak in the knees for a brilliant man? He talked for over an hour on Poetry and Philosophy. He was using words I had never heard before. I love words I've never heard before.
I have never been one to choose men based upon their looks. Rather, I go for a man's mind. Which likely explains why I can have a perfectly satisfying relationship with a good book. And also why I shy away from pretty boys. (who am I kidding? If I could find a man who was attractive and brilliant and loved the Lord, I'd throw myself at his feet. And beg.)
It's hard to find an upright, God fearing man between 35 and 50. Harder still to find a smart and single one. Add to that the requirement that they know I'm alive, and the field narrows still further. There are something like....oh, I don't know...NONE on the planet.

So, feel free to advise me on my love life, or swimwear. I am sure I'll benefit from your advice. It can't hurt.

Home again, home again, jiggety-jig.

Well, then, you've been neglected.
Sorry about that.

Where shall I start? Oh, I know. I'll tell you about getting picked up on. Men usually don't hit on me. Not unless I haven't showered. They apparently dig that. I was in the wilds of Nevada this morning, on the very last leg of our road trip, when a nice man in a gas station bought my coffee. He opened the conversation by asking where my shoes were, on account of it was snowing and I was wearing flip-flops. He was kinda cute. He was also ahead of me in the line, and he told the cashier to add my bottled water and coffee to his bill. He also asked if I wanted breakfast, (these gas stations in the wilds of Nevada double as cafes). I declined.
We're home at last.
There's laundry goin'. There's bills to be paid. We need groceries. Catch up after a vacation is such a drag. Alas!
It's always good to come home, though.
I've missed you all.

So much for Purposeful Singleness

This daylight saving thing is a drag. I have been tired all week. It seems silly to me that one hour can cause me so much irritation. I can't fall to sleep before 11 pm. My alarm still goes off at 6. Very annoying.
I might be getting grumpy as a result.
Moody, is more like it.
So, when I get like this, I want to get married. I start feeling all wistful, and I sigh a lot. As if being married would help me get more sleep. To say it's silly is perhaps an understatement. I want a man to protect me (from what? I don't know), and love me (whoo hoo!), and help to parent my boys (my way, of course). He can pay the bills, and clean the house. Then I can blog all day to my heart's content. He will love me and cherish me, and I will live in a harbor of eternal bliss.
Whatever.
I was thinking about this again yesterday, about why I want to get married. It's an interesting question once I really think about it. All joking aside, my life is really very simple with no man involved. We've discussed this before, you and I. I appreciate the freedoms that I enjoy. My Independence is a privilege, and a blessing, in so many ways.
When I really answer the question of why I want to marry, it comes down to companionship. I want the couple-ness. (Well... and the couple-ing). But it's the partnership that appeals to me so much.
I really do not want to be involved in a bad marriage ever again as long as I live. But the idea of being in a good marriage holds a lot of appeal. I'd love to learn to function in tandem with a godly man. To grow old with someone whom I really like.
The times that I get distracted by this thought are different than they used to be.
I am ok single. I can do this for the rest of my life, one day at a time. God really is more than sufficient.
Ironically, I suspect that might just make me a better potential wife.

Ecclesiastes says something rather shocking about a women intent upon trapping a man. "I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, her hands are as fetters..." It goes on to say that a man who pleases God will escape from her.
I was thinking about what sort of woman this verse describes. Snares and nets are used to entrap an unwilling prey. She's on the hunt. The fetters are like handcuffs, or a ball and chain; they are restrains used to keep a prisoner from breaking free. How many women like this have you seen? I've seen quite a few.
I've even been one.
It's the plunging neckline, and the short skirt. It's the manipulative wording. Lust is the snare, lies the net.
There is a difference between being attractive, and being bait. An attractive women, I think, would exhibit a beauty that inspires a man to be a better man. Jenine the Wise was talking about this a couple weeks ago. She's smart about things like that.
A woman baiting her trap is tempting a man to be a lesser sort.

O, to have the sort of beauty which inspires men to be stronger, and women to be purer!

Fighting

Conventional Church today was fantastic. This brilliant man, whom I've never heard before, taught. He was quick witted, very interesting, and had me on the edge of my seat. Why are not all teachers like that?
I was listening as he was teaching on faith. He was answering the question "Why does God save us by faith rather than by works?" I was impressed by something completely unrelated.

Here's the thing:
I have been learning some hard, and important, things about Thinking Truthfully, Setting Boundaries, and Purposeful Singleness. These are particular lessons that God has been graciously teaching me. They are areas in which I have an uphill climb.
Well, this morning in the sermon time, it hit me that the struggle is a big part of the process. My fairy godmother could wave her wand, and make me do all of these wonderful things. But, God doesn't chose to work that way. It seems that the struggle is really important. Having to fight for these lessons imparts value.
The victory is in a treasure hard won.
I like that.
The concept of fighting hard for something of value appeals to me greatly.
It occurred to me that fighting against my desire to be married, so that I can appreciate my completeness as a single, is the point. Instead of pursuing what could be, I pursue what is.
Or taking my frequently errant thoughts captive. This could never be done if they weren't prone to wander in the first place.
So recognizing the battle, and being willing to engage, this is a big thing.
Setting boundaries, is for me, a new way of correctly identifying what my priorities are, and eliminating distractions. I have to have opportunity to err in order to chose what is correct.
See?
The fact that I struggle, is not evidence of failure, but of faith!
I am struggling with the intention of emerging victorious.

I don't know what you are fighting within your own flesh. We all have those things. The fact that you continue to struggle builds some sort of spiritual muscle, I think. You grow stronger.
Be encouraged today.
Gosh, I am.

True Love's Kiss

It's an overcast Saturday morning, and there's a day bursting with potential right before me.
I wish I felt more like staying in bed all day. Instead, I am thinking of chores to do and bills to pay.

The kids and I climbed up on my bed last night to read, and got into an interesting discussion. D' asked me a question.
He said, "Can I kiss a girl if I love her?"
Which is not really the sort of thing you want your 11-year-old thinking about, but whatever. Good question.
So, I asked, "What is love?"
I was particularly impressed with my own swift thinking on this occasion. Because, this looked like a teaching opportunity to me, and also rather a delicate one.

D' and M' spent a few minutes defining love. They talked about emotion. About how a person makes you feel. They talked about action a little bit, but the focus was on emotion and self. They differentiated among different kinds of love. Maternal, romantic, friendship, etc...

So, I restated the question with their definition, "It's ok to kiss a girl if she makes you feel good, and you have a fluttery heart? What about if she ticks you off?"
...."Then I might not love her anymore." Was the all-too-honest answer.

So, I opened up my bible to that over-taught chapter in 1 Corinthians 13. God's definition of love is there, and it worked beautifully into this discussion.
We applied it specifically:
If you love a girl, you will act with patience and kindness. You will be neither jealous, nor boastful. You will treat her with the best of manners, seek her best above your own. You will not be easily angered by her, and will think only the very most honorable things when you think of her. You will fight for what is true, and protect her from any sin. All of this, plus, you will be able to honestly promise that your continuation of these actions will protect and harbor her forever, without fail. This is love.
If you love a girl, then, by all means,
Son,
kiss her.